Dear
Friend,
Thank
you for checking on us as the world faces unfathomable challenges. We are
actually doing quite well, thank you.
Never in my life have I felt less alone than I do right now! This pandemic
has certainly leveled the playing field by which we all play! Every human
being on the planet earth is facing many of the same obstacles, which makes it
difficult to complain, therefore, I won’t.
Also,
never in my life have I felt more prepared to get a 90% score on a test in my
life! It’s kind of like I know what to do for 90% of the time, and the other
10% will be learning and growing.
You
know Jake and Joe, so you know that hubby and I have worked our butts
off for the majority of our life to make theirs one of quality and
happiness. These past 10 days have been
no different. As is true for almost
everyone in the U.S., we are now approaching day 10 of no stimulation outside
of our own homes. We’ve made it work,
but it certainly hasn’t been without our share of tests.
You
may remember, we started over 12 years ago building a work/life routine for the
boys. We made sure to include areas of the community so that they could have a
full range of choices. Well, without their work, movies, the mall, the library
and the rec center, this makes a small-but-full world even emptier. So, we’ve resorted to using the small range
of choices we have and offering those more often. They’ve always loved eating out, but now we’ve
made the highlight of a few nights a week to be getting a “bag” from a
restaurant and bringing it home. This seems to be working as a highlight, so we
will continue to do that.
I
made our usual monthly calendar, but I’ve already had to change it three times in the
month of March—highly unusual. It’s so tough to plan ahead right now, even for
me, so providing guidance to them is nearly impossible. One of Jake’s favorite
activities is the one day a month where he gets his haircut. He adores his Stylist, Miss Lisa and looks so
forward to seeing her, getting his “cut” and “poo” and paying her for the
service. Well, that one went by the
wayside, twice, so I removed it from the calendar. This situation fell within
that crazy 10% of learn-as-we-go. He managed to work himself up into tears after
asking us 1,000 times for “cut”. We no longer knew when it would happen definitively,
so I resorted to cutting it myself, which seemed to settle him down. Needless
to say, I am NOT a hairstylist, but I didn’t screw it up too much.
It’s
very comforting to know that all the work we put into helping the guys trust
and understand their routines has paid off. They trust us implicitly. We still
see it as a blessing even though right now it’s tough to project anything.
We’ve
reestablished some of our old routines that I used to use during summer break
from school. Back then, when I didn’t know how to fill their time, I got really
creative with outdoor activities, but it’s winter here in Colorado, which poses
its own challenges. Luckily, we’ve had highs in the upper 60’s 3-4 days a week,
which allows us to grill outside and enjoy some time outdoors. I resorted to
putting the beach chairs on the patio just so we can sit outside several hours
a day and get some fresh air in between the snow showers. I added it to the
visual schedule hoping that the boys are more accepting of these transitions
from the “normal”. They’ve done a fantastic job. I’ve tried to add one
additional new item to the visual schedule each day over the past week to
expand their horizons gradually. Chores are still a part of everyday life with no exception. I know eventually we are going to run out of
new choices, but for now we are moving forward.
The boys usually earn $1 a day in their normal routine, so we've continued to do that. We thought about raising it to $2 a day, but Lord knows we don't want to start something we can't continue long-term...hahahahahaha. I'm so thankful that I have always kept a "stash" of prizes that we can draw from when needed. You never know when you might need a new Mister Rogers DVD or a Doodlebops DVD to appease the shopping urge.
I
feel like we’ve really been preparing for a situation like this for many years.
I have another friend, you know her, that always asks me if I ever live in the
now or am I always projecting forward? You know the answer….always projecting
forward. I am thankful for that now! I had ordered Joe’s beloved peanut butter
cracks in bulk several months ago, thank goodness, now we won’t run out. He's such a picky bugger. I’m
also glad that we have the RV if we need to “get away” LOL. Chris thinks it’s
his personal “man-cave”! Thank goodness for Rocket!
As
always, Chris and I are practicing coping and calming ourselves so that we can
try to project that on the boys. It doesn’t always work, but it seems to be manageable
right now. Even though we both have lost a bit of sleep over worry, we are trying hard not to project that worry on the boys. We decided to minimize the tv news, allow each other a break each day, and take turns doing massage on
each other as a method of relaxation and deep pressure. You know that giving
the guys deep pressure has always been such a calming method for them, so now
it’s just part of that routine. We also put together two different music
playlists that we can listen to—one for dancing (good gross motor) before
dinner each night, then one for quiet time. We all love this small but powerfully effective element in our day.
All
in all, we are not putting too many new demands on the guys in order to keep
the peace. I’m so happy that we are beyond the school years so that we don’t
have to try and be Teachers too. We are
not that talented. We’ll just try to continue to meet the physical and
emotional needs of all 4 of us while using those resources in our immediate
proximity. It’s all going to be ok. As with everyone, the most frustrating part
is not knowing when it will end.
To learn more about Cindi Rogers, read her full story at Becoming Mrs. Rogers